It’s now been almost ten years since I have been married to my wife, my dear companion in life, Bruna (she also blogs – check this out). As you will probably hear from any married couple who is honest enough to tell you the truth, it’s not easy… but life as a couple can be a beautiful and gratifying journey of self-discovery, and love for others.
Many years ago we experienced some tough times as a couple. There comes a time in life when nothing you do can affect the outcome of the situation, and at these times one can feel… fill in the blank here. One certain afternoon, I remember feeling anxious, powerless, lost, sad, and found myself crying out to God for help, to take over the situation and work it out as planned. Total surrender can bring a different perspective to life – the reality that sometimes you just can’t make it on your own.
I had to hand it over to God and have faith, the kind of faith that feels like stepping out into the oceans of unknown. That was the first time I really experienced faith that deep in my heart, and totally surrendered myself to His control. Since then my wife and I have been living life together, and God has shown us his faithful love and guidance time and time again.
But everything happens for a reason right? Trials bring growth and understanding if you can learn from them.
Even though at the time I couldn’t understand, today I see God working in my life through that situation. Learning to trust and surrender control has helped me learn how to cope with OCD, anxiety and Tourette’s. Deep inside, being a perfectionist has brought many moments of disappointment and sorrow in my life – not being able to control my own body and emotional responses all the time can be a tough thing to manage. Learning to trust and surrender over the years has shown me God’s grace and forgiveness, and I am beginning to understand and apply to my life some practical ways to not worry so much anymore, and to not get frustrated and anxious about not having control over a situation. I am learning to live with it, and to be glad for what I have, celebrate each day, and not complain about why I have mental health issues and the implications that they cause in my life.
God continues to show me and place me in situations where control is not in my hands, and I am glad and thankful for that (even though it’s still difficult). Day after day, in my career, working with people, dealing with stressful situations, being a parent… every moment is an opportunity for me to grow to be a more understanding and patient person, and to accept that I can’t always get everything done, I can’t always control everything.
So if you have felt this way, or are feeling this way, trust! You’re not alone in this, and there’s hope 🙂
Here is a beautiful song from U2 to help you in your journey today: